When the Holidays Hurt

For many, the holidays are a time of warmth, gathering, and gratitude. But for those carrying the weight of trauma or navigating an eating disorder, this season can feel anything but joyful. The familiar sounds of clattering dishes, the smell of favorite foods, and the pressure of family traditions can all feel overwhelming. Add in the focus on appearances, comments about food or bodies, and old family dynamics, and it’s easy to feel anxious, unsafe, or alone. For some, Thanksgiving doesn’t feel like a celebration--it feels like survival.

If you find yourself dreading the holidays instead of looking forward to them, you’re not alone. And while it may feel hard to believe right now, recovery is possible. Real, deep, lasting healing is possible, even for pain that feels too old or too tangled to touch.

When the Table Doesn't Feel Safe

Holidays like Thanksgiving can be triggering for so many reasons...

• Food takes center stage, which can feel impossible when you’re navigating restriction, bingeing, or intense guilt around eating.

• Family dynamics resurface, especially when your trauma is tied to the same people gathered around the table.

• Comments about your body, choices, or plate can reopen wounds you’ve worked so hard to heal.

• Memories flood in--moments when you felt unseen, unsafe, or misunderstood.

When trauma is stored in the body, these experiences don’t just bring discomfort; they can set off alarm bells. Your nervous system reacts as though you’re in danger all over again. If you find yourself wanting to shut down, disappear, or punish yourself this time of year, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something inside you still needs care and compassion--not judgment.

That’s where trauma-informed therapy and recovery work come in. One especially effective tool for this kind of healing is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy.

EMDR helps your brain and body process traumatic memories that were never fully stored, so they stop hijacking the present moment. When trauma remains unprocessed, the brain relives it as if it’s happening now, which is why a family dinner or a passing comment can suddenly feel unsafe.

Through EMDR, clients can:

• Reduce the emotional intensity of painful memories

• Untangle the links between food, body image, and trauma

• Build new, compassionate beliefs about themselves

• Calm the body’s nervous system and feel safe again...not just functional

For many people recovering from eating disorders, EMDR helps uncover the deeper wounds (shame, loss, neglect, abandonment) and begin to heal them at the root. As those wounds soften, the grip of self-punishment and control starts to loosen, too.

So the Holidays Can Feel Different

Recovery doesn’t mean everything suddenly feels easy. It means you become more grounded, more resourced, and more able to show up as your authentic self... not just a version of you pretending to be okay.

It might look like:

• Setting boundaries around triggering topics

• Nourishing yourself before, during, and after meals (without guilt)

• Allowing emotions to rise and pass without judgment

• Saying 'no' to traditions that drain you

• Saying 'yes' to new ones that nurture you

And maybe, in time, Thanksgiving might actually begin to feel peaceful. Not perfect, but softer, calmer, more connected.

If the holidays feel hard, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. Healing isn’t linear and you don’t have to carry this alone. You deserve care that reaches the roots of your pain and helps you move toward freedom and wholeness. Whether through EMDR, therapy, or community support, recovery is real, and it’s worth it.

This Thanksgiving, even if the only thing you feel thankful for is the choice to keep going, that’s enough. That’s courage. That’s healing in motion.

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If you're struggling, reach out to a licensed trauma therapist or ask about EMDR treatment. You can also find support through organizations like The Alliance for Eating Disorders, or talk to your doctor about your mental health concerns. You are worthy of healing, no matter how long it’s been.